I’d like to introduce, Me, Myself and I

Ok… Day 1 of my quest is down and last night I found myself having doubts AGAIN. I periodically catch myself thinking that I should just go back to my ex, I mean would it be better to be with him, in a relationship lacking any shred of intimacy, than to be alone, just me and my thoughts? Luckily as quickly as it came to mind, it left and was soon banished (at least I was alone with one less thought…).

I then found myself thinking, why is it that we are so prone to stay in a relationship, even one as lacking as mine was, giving that “one more chance” as opposed to choosing happiness even if it is in the aloneness of being with ourselves? Is it because that that other person gives us some sense of validity? There is one other person in this world that can validate our life, our existence; is that it? I gave my marriage so many “one more chance” chances that I lost count. I gave it over 20 years and honestly, if I were to be brutally honest with myself, out of all those years? I’d have to say only 5 (maybe 7 tops) were truly happy ones. The others were spent living around the proverbial elephant that I was trying to hide, go around, up and over. I spent so much on “appearances”; I’m ashamed to admit this. But I did, I told everyone that I was happy, “our marriage was the best…” and I lived the life ‘as if’ I were happy; if I kept thinking that way and kept acting the part, just maybe the happiness would follow.   For a time, I believe we were; which was what made the decision that much more difficult.

So, for today, I will enjoy the company of “Me, Myself and I.” Have dinner with them, drink some wine, chit chat, watch a movie and perhaps get to know them a little bit more. Who knows? I might find I enjoy their company…


One thought on “I’d like to introduce, Me, Myself and I

  1. Pingback: “Yes” – It Can Truly Change Your Live For The Better (if you only allow it) « Finding Ann MacGregor

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