I’m a firm believer that just because it’s Saturday and even though our mothers may have taught us to do our chores on this day, I’m sitting on my couch, doing absolutely nada… yep, that’s right mom, nothing. Why? Because I can.
It is somewhat liberating in a way to not have a schedule, and not have a spouse sitting there, staring. You know the look, the one that says, “uh, are you going to do those dishes?” Nope… I’m not. I’ll get a round to it… sometime. Actually, I do have some plans for the weekend, only I made my plans for Sunday (on purpose folks) so that I could have a, sitting in my jammies, laying on the couch, drinking coffee and watching movies kind of day.
I do feel that I am getting back into myself. And I feel that I’m finding the girl that was lost “pre-marriage” (as I mentioned in my other entry). I even feel my “twenty something” energy level coming back (that’s always a plus…). Being alone isn’t as bad as I thought, in fact that wasn’t what I feared at all. As I said before, the being alone is so much easier than being lonely while in the company of another. That, my friends, hurts like hell. No, that was never the fear, it was the guilt of leaving him alone coupled with wondering if I was giving him enough of a chance.
It’s a funny thing about co-dependents, often we seem to be the ones who feel as if should have given more, we didn’t do enough. I’m now of a mind that when I start to think that way, perhaps that should by my first clue. Well, who knows… One thing I do know is that 22 years and four rounds of rehab was plenty of chances, time now for me and I’m loving it. Ha!