I gotta say, life has been good. But, it could be better. I just lost my employee the other day. Lost; that sounds like I misplaced him, like I did something that made this mishap happen. As if I could have done something, as if there was something in my control to make this person stay in this dysfunction we called ‘work’. But the reality was that there really wasn’t anything I could have done and to tell the truth, I should be happy for him. Actually, I AM happy for him. He finally found a place that will pay closer to what he is worth, which is impossible because he was invaluable!
I tried to warn the ‘Powers that Be’ that they were Fucking Up; but NO. They wouldn’t listen! Yet, I’m so emotional about the whole thing; why? Why is it that this person’s leaving has left me in a puddle of tears? Is it because I allowed myself to depend so much on him? Or, is it that I find myself in the midst of such change in my own life and am in the middle of finding that I must fend for myself. I, who once thought that marriage would be the answer, was depended on ‘him’ to take out the trash, fix the car, change the oil… But the reality was I PAID someone ELSE to do all those things. Early on, I didn’t leave my marriage because I was under the misconception that I would not be able to do those things on my own. But I was, doing just that, in a manner of speaking.
Yesterday and today, I realized that I could get along fine (sorry Jeff, if you are reading this) without him. I can get all the merchandise up and running, fill the pumps with oil and if i need help, I asked. And, guess what? I’m OK. And, this is where it gets good, people came to help!
Yea, I like this being ‘alone’ part. Because, in reality? You aren’t alone. All we need to do is ask for help and people come. They help.
So, my tears are for the change, the change of my friend who will no longer be bringing me maple bars in the morning. Or telling how to do something, or brewing a pot of coffee for me. But, soon, there will be another. Hopefully another just as friendly, just as opinionated, just as informative. My hope is that this last friend will stay in my life as a friend and not just as a ‘past co-worker’.
Change can suck (for me it can anyway), but it can also be a blessing for some big and wonderful transformations and can bring some even more fabulous blessings in our lives. I know that this last change brought about a wonderful blessing, one that I hope will grow and continue. But if it doesn’t, it will always be there to look back on fondly for it helped me through a tough time in my life and helped get me to the next ‘step’… I’ll always thank him…
Thank you Jeff…