In my part of the world, ‘Old Man Winter’ is still trying to hog the stage, refusing to allow Spring to make its entrance. So many of us are itching for the warmth of spring, the pink blooms on the trees and the smell of the fresh cut grass.
In anticipation for this wonderful time of year, I looked around at my apartment for just where I might place some daffodils or tulips. Happy to have a place of my own, I couldn’t help the feeling of missing that comfort that comes from sharing it with someone. Sharing things like reading together and he places his hand on your knee. Or you lay your head on his lap. Both engrossed in your own reading while happily enjoying each others company at the same time. Ok, maybe that’s a ‘Ward and June Clever’ moment. But the point is that it’s the company and the sharing of activities I miss, the conversation and the debates; I really miss the discussions. Never had that in my marriage.
I know, I said a year… but I can dream, can’t I? And these are the thoughts that my mind turn to sometimes (not all the time… just sometimes). I have come a long way and can safely say that when I look back on my marriage I can see just how badly I was suffocating. It was as if I was a fish in a fish tank that was so clouded over, I could barely see out and was trying so hard to get oxygen.
When I go back to that house I can see it now. I use to get sad, not just for me but for him; however, now I know that this is the life he has chosen for himself. In fact, ours was the life he chose for us and I went along for the ride so as not to ‘rock the boat’.
So, I’m in a job that pays half what I was making. That coupled with the fact that I have half the income being now separated; hey, I’m still standing! And I’m standing in my own apartment, (not bad!). And, spring is right around the corner and with its arrival I hope comes some new friends, some new adventures (possibly a better paying job or a promotion…) and some new flowers in my flower pots on my front patio (gotta have something pretty to look at while sipping my coffee on those lazy Sunday mornings…).
So, let’s see… so far I’ve auditioned for a play, sung solo at a local pub (singing again in the near future), told all those retched guys that were good for nothing and just using me to Fuck off! Yea, I’m doing pretty damn good for myself. Oh, and I’m doing quite nicely on my own. Who would have thunk it? Me… Little ole’ me… So c’mon Old Man Winter, exit so that Spring can enter the show!