Sometimes we don’t know what we have unil it’s validated…

sing it black

I went out again and sang at another ‘Open Mic’ night.  I think I did well, we had friends there cheering us on.  They all seemed pleased, and said how much they enjoyed the set.  The issue I have with myself is that when I hear my voice coming out the speaker I cringe, while others tell me how wonderful my voice sounds.  So, who am I supposed to believe?  My self-loathing or their possible flowery compliments?  I ask this because we never can tell (well I can’t).

I come from a genre where when we competed, so many would come up to our quartet and tell us how wonderful we were and surely we were, say, ‘B+’ level (we were judged on four separate categories and graded); only to find that we came in near last!  Were they just flattering us or were the judges on crack?  Well, I happen to know that on this particular contest and in this particular instance the judges were a group of some of the MOST self-centered, pompous, conceited, arrogant and self opinionated judges our region had ever had in its history (lucky us!).  But my question remains.  I am proud of myself, however and will continue on.

I just got off the phone with a ‘career counselor’; jeese, a career counselor, that’s what they call those college recruiters now.  I was on-line and came across a link that said something to the effect of ‘get paid to get educated’ (something like that) and so I clicked and have been hounded ever since.  So, this morning I decided to answer and she was talking at me for over an hour.  Well, I never thought about it before but, to hear her tell it, I make a mighty fine Administrator.

Actually, I was a damn fine Contract Negotiator and am turning out to be a wonderful Manager.  I have a way of educating people.  I don’t just tell people how things should be done (at least I don’t think so), I educate them by sharing why it can be a ‘win/win’.  But again, for whatever reason I don’t seem to know this.  It needs to come from someone or somewhere else.

I was listening to a speaker the other day who’s a published author and she said something that I thought quite humorous and fitting for this situation.  She was talking about how she gets many letters from all kinds and how when someone comments on her writing and they talk about how wonderfully she said ‘x’, her immediate thought is “ah, intelligent person.”  And yet, when someone writes in, completely insulted by what she may have written and really let’s her have it, she might think, “wow, what a nut case!”

Now, I probably would cry my eyes out had that happened to me.  But I guess that shows the difference in the level of  maturity or self confidence between her and me.  For the most part I consider myself to be quite confident, except for when it comes to my creativity; my creations.

When I’m in my ‘creative mode’ it’s like stabbing me in the heart when someone criticizes anything in that realm.  Now there is constructive criticism and just plain nasty.  I’ve had people be both (believe it or not).  Of course I think anyone who has performed some form of creative outlet has been faced with the nasty critic.  Those that just don’t like anything and are simply jealous from the fear that anyone might be better than they are.  Come to think of it, since they don’t like anything, they most likely don’t do anything and therefor, should be jealous of anyone because everyone is probably more interesting and, therefor, BETTER! (kidding…)

Seriously, someone once said opinions are like, shall I say it?  Assholes.  Everyone has one. Another person once said that, “50% of the people are gonna love you and the other 50% are not.  Then, just when you get used to those numbers, they will switch (oh, and people are very fickle…).”  Bottom line, it may come down to actual talent, but more importantly it’s all in the eye of the beholder.  It also comes down to what your intention is when you set out to do what is it that you set out to do.  In this case, performing.  I set out to  leave the audience feeling better than when I started and wanting more, did I do that?  That is my question.  And by the feedback I received, I guess I did.

When I write my question is always, did I make them think?  It doesn’t interest me whether my readers agree or disagree, but if I made them think or look at a situation differently, if only for a moment; I did my job.

It’s a funny thing being human, we place so much on each others opinions that we forget to remember to take inventory on how we felt, for that is the true and real indicator.  How did we feel?  If the answer is Great, or Fantastic; nobody can take that away because that’s all we are going to remember anyway.


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