Relationships; in our life we will have many. There will be those friends that are with us for life and those that change with the wind. We don’t plan it that way (God I hope not!), it just happens. People flow in and out of our lives and with them, hopefully, comes knowledge. That little piece of knowing just a bit more about ourselves and life in general.
With everybody I’ve known, be it close friends or acquaintances, each person unveiled a little bit more about myself and the world. I had one friend back in college (way back when I was merely a child of 19) who taught me how to start the ‘I Love you’s’ with my mother; a woman who never uttered those words (funny thing isn’t it? Three simple words that are so extremely difficult to say, especially when you know you won’t hear them back). But this particular friend gave me the strength to start the ‘vibe’ and get it going. It became contagious; to this day we four siblings say those three little words with ease and with the added bonus of meaning every word. Mommy eventually said them with ease even, which was a trip (but another story for anther time). That friend unfortunately (or fortunately… depending on how you look at it) is no longer in my life for reasons unknown to me. And I sometimes look back and miss her, wondering where she is and did she ever fulfill her dreams.
My point is that we are all in each others lives for a reason. For some the visit will only be a short and informative time. For others it will last a lifetime. But in all cases, we will have a much better look at who we are and hopefully learn more of what we are made of. Someone once said that we can don’t choose our family, but our friends are the family that we have chosen (or something to that effect). In addition to my search of finding out my reasons behind my co-dependence where men are concerned, I recently discovered that I also need to apply this discovery to my friendships as well.
It has occurred to me just recently that I seem to find people to ‘fix’ in general. Those that will inevitably disappoint me because, and here’s a news flash, I can’t fix anyone! This begs the question, are they disappointing me? Or have I placed them on a pedestal so far above myself only to set them up for that much bigger of a fall? It goes back to my thinking that everyone else has the ‘answer’, is doing everything ‘right’ and that I must be doing it all wrong. Doesn’t matter what ‘it’ is; just that I must be doing it, whatever that might be, wrong.
I recently had a situation where I’m watching someone else exit my life. I had hoped that would not be the case, but I don’t see that they care for me anymore. Then again, they don’t love themselves, so how can they love me? We can only give that which we have to give, yes? I’m sad because I don’t know this person anymore, don’t know if it is me who has changed or them. Don’t think it really matters, but change has happened and like my marriage, my friendship with them appears to be doomed to end.
I don’t care for change, especially this sort of change. I like it when I can count on the fact that people will be there no matter what, and when it ends, I am wounded beyond belief. I’ll move on and hopefully we will remain friends or our friendship will reconnect in the future; one thing is for certain, it is changing and I have got to STOP FIXING PEOPLE!
I would like to close with a quote I found that makes me happy as it brings me hope; “We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on.” ~ Amy Marie Walz
Until you find your way home…