Reunions. Always give me time to pause and reflect.

Party Scene for BlogHer10 Robert Restaurant Ai...

Meeting up with family and old friends is always good (well, it can be), and always gives me pause.  Of course I’m the type of person who enjoys that sort of thing.  You know, reflecting?  I like to look back, ponder on past friendships, lost loves, any situation (good, bad or indifferent) and reexamine it.

Well, this month I happen to be lucky to not only be part of one, but two reunions.  One of them is something I don’t believe that many people have ever done, it’s with a past company that is no longer.  Well, the region is no longer, the company is still going strong.  We all were like family (all 500 of us).  Yea, not your average ‘mom and pop’.  I must say, I’m a bit nervous about it.

I mean, what have I done with myself these past twenty something years?  Wow, when I put it that way, not a whole lot.  I got separated and ended a 20 plus year marriage.  Before I go on; I know, you all are telling me, “physician heal thyself…” and read your own blog.  But it makes a body wonder.  What do I say to these people.  Some have gone on to accomplish a great deal.

There is one person who was one of my dearest friends.  I made her angry over something and she dumped me.  Not too sure she will be all that happy to see me.  I mean, we had made up, afterall she did get upset over something really minor and silly.  But through time, she dumped me for far ‘better’ people (in her book).  Ah well, what a snob…

But the question remains, what DO I tell these people?  I’m working in a job that is way (I mean way) beneath my normal pay grade (seriously) and find that I must run a home business to make ends meet.  I sing when I can and write (oh, that’s right… can’t tell them who I am, it’s kind of a secret).  Now, I did get my degree, that’s saying something.  I’ve reinvented myself, have become more of my authentic self (in fact, I’m sure they will be quite shocked at what they see and hear).

I nursed my mother through her dementia and have plans in the works for starting a non-profit in her honor.  Regardless of my J.O.B (note: stands for Just Over Broke), I have managed to live on my own, pay my bills and some of my ex-husbands (it’s called alimony), on time.  And I continue to look to the future with belief that much will be accomplished.  Ok, now I’m getting somewhere.

Actually, looking back, I’m not so crazy about who I was.  I was so emotional back then and fell prey to other’s ridicule.  Much prefer me now, I don’t put up with that anymore and am much more level headed (its an age thing).  When you’re in your twenties, you think you have to know it all and that you must do everything perfectly.  But by the time you are in your forties, you know you don’t know and that’s ok.  (I can’t wait for my fifties!)

Now that I look at this, it doesn’t seem that bad.  I lived life; life happened and I managed it pretty darn well, thank you.  Now for the tough part, the socializing.  I’ve never been very good at it.  You know what I mean?  The chit chat, the small talk.  I’m very introverted.  My friends all look at me and laugh when I say this, but it’s true, I am.  VERY.

Look up the term in the dictionary, I guarantee it will have my picture next to it with a foot note ‘see her’.  I’m a wall flower, I admit it.  I’m getting better, but it takes practice and a LOT of steady nerves for me to walk up to people and strike up a conversation.  I almost have to take on another personality, another character.

So, I’ll let you know how it goes.  In my ‘old life’ I tended to be the one where if you were going to treat anyone rudely, it was going to be towards me.  As if I had a sign on my head saying, “by all means, treat me like crap (c’mon… you’ll feel great)”; and they would.  I’ve seen it all.  I’ve had people turn and leave while I was talking mid-sentence to them.  Yep, rude.  Or fault me for the actions of others’.  As if I could control their precious niece from taking off with some loser biker and leaving me with the rent!  “Ah!  I can’t talk to you now, your presence is just too painful after she left us”; give me a break! (sorry, I’m rambling)

But that was then, this is now.  And, I am not that young woman anymore; right?  Of course right.  So, moving on.  All will be fine, I will survive and if not I can always say that there is another engagement that I really must be attending.  (smooth exit… right?).


2 thoughts on “Reunions. Always give me time to pause and reflect.

    • Good advice and you know? It’s all subjective because dollars for donuts they are looking at us and thinking “hmm, look at her, she is so… (fill in the blank)”. You just never know, we never seem to be happy and it’s always somebody else who holds that brass ring.

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