New Year, New Fear (is it failure or success?); I’m so puzzled.

It’s 2012 and I’m liking it already.  I must say I’m feeling pretty good.  I’ve been busy getting insurance quotes – medical and auto – paid my rent (Thank you Jesus!) and pert near have my budget ready.

Now if only I  can just get to that darn Vision Board done…I don’t know what it is that is scaring me about it, but I’ve been paralyzed with fear by it ever since I decided to do it.  I know that it’s plain nonsense to be so scared of my goals, but then again it made me wonder; what am I afraid of – failure, or is it success?

So often times we are lead to believe that it is the failure that we fear.  The fact that we might disappoint those we love by our failings is so great, causing us pause.  But I’m starting to think it’s the total opposite.  I mean, I can do failure just fine, doesn’t bother me a bit.  I know how to handle not having money.  It’s the managing of money that scares me.  The trusting some accountant and the where to put it, in which fund.  What if I’m trusting another slick Willie like that Bernie Madoff; or worse?

English: Bernard Madoff's mugshot

Image via Wikipedia

You see, there are a great many things to fear with success.  So I am puzzled with this question because, you see, just as there are many things to fear, there are so many wonderful things to be gained.  So why is success so frightening?  Is it that I am thinking too far ahead into the future?

As with an illness, I tend to get panic-stricken as my mind starts to wander so fast down that yellow brick road before me.  The “what if’s” start to consume me, causing me to get off track.  As opposed to taking everything one step at a time.  Knowing and trusting the proverbial prayer, “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

So, the question remains; what is it that I’m so afraid of?  In the books by Esther and Jerry Hicks, Abraham talks about the fact that we all have the ability to have all that we desire.  That it is only our own fears that keep us from it.  That if only we could ‘allow’ ourselves that which is to come to us, to flow to us, all would be not just within our reach, it would be ours to have and enjoy.  Or something to that effect.

This Law of Attraction is the key that I’ve been so focused on lately.  And, truthfully, I’ve seen it come to fruition in my own life (albeit in small ways).  I know it’s power and yet these old habits still have such a hold.

In my life I’ve wanted only a few things; those being, to be happy, to do that that I love – i.e. perform, write, create – and to live a life among my family and friends.  Within that, as with most people I would suspect, I would hope to be of some influence – hopefully a positive influence, a role model.  And I guess I’ve just answered my questions.

For to be successful, true success is living the life you want to live.  Do that which you love and the rest will follow suit.  You merely need act, one step at a time and be happy doing it.

English: Ask and It is Given by Esther and Jer...

Image via Wikipedia

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