Evolution: as defined in the dictionary “A gradual process in which something changes into a different and usually more complex or better form.” (well one of four definitions… this was just the more suitable). I started this blog as a way of finding myself, finding what made me ‘tick’ (as it were) and why I made the choices that led me down the path to the end of my 20+ year marriage.
As many of you might remember, there was quite a bit of mourning going on back in 2010; many tears as I grappled through the memories of my marriage and my life. Then there were the challenges of my day-to-day life and so on and so forth. But recent events have made me realize I’ve come a long way baby (as the slogan goes) and it leaves me with such a bounce in my step.
There were some events over the past couple of days that caused me to pause and to think over the events of my life these past couple of years. And I’ve had quite an evolution! I’m quite impressed! I’ve had to ask myself, could it be that I’m coming into my own? Could it be that I truly am becoming the woman I want to be?
I still have NO clue about what I wish to do with myself ‘career-wise’; but I know that I’m getting there. I feel as if I’m healing. To clue you in; yesterday, I was to go on a date with a gentleman that I met a couple of weeks ago. He seemed very nice, was very gallant and didn’t press for ‘home base’ or even ‘second-base’ (if you know what I mean?). He was a bit over bearing and self-absorbed. He was also a tad too fast, in that, he felt “he and I belonged together.”
Now many of you might ask, “Ann what is so wrong with that; don’t you want to be swept off your feet?” To which I would reply, “we’ve only known each other a couple of days and he’s talking marriage?!” (a wee bit fast and freaky…). Anyway, we get to “the date” and are to meet at the restaurant; he’s more than two hours late… now he works in the limo and party bus business so I was very understanding (plus I met a wonderful woman and we hit it off right away… huge plus!). But, my gut kept telling me something.
Anyway, things seemed to be going well; then he started talking about ‘us’ and his plans for ‘us’ and he was talking as if I was some sort of conquest. This didn’t sit well with me… I started to freak out a little… and as I was trying to make my point, he, in turn, turned it back on me; making it sound as if I was over reacting (very condescending). Was I? When is it too soon?
Now, as you know I just wrote about ‘Love at First Sight’ and wonder if there truly is such a thing? In this case it was more of a conquest; I was something he needed to achieve and I know this, how? By his actions; something I learned is that people do a lot of talking, but actions truly speak volumes louder than words.
I’ve especially learned this in my recent loss of my dear sister Kimball; so many said they would do… [fill in the blank], but very few actually stepped up to the plate. And in this man’s case, his actions told me he had no respect for my time or for me. His actions told me that I was a trophy, a ‘thing’ to acquire.
Case in point, when we had the family up to spread my sister’s ashes, he was eerily silent (no phone calls/texts… no “hey just checking in, I was concerned”). He called on his terms and wanted my returned calls on his terms.
So, yesterday we were to have a date, he was to pick me up, never firmed up anything until after he was to pick me up… ( a bit rude… left me waiting yet another time). I don’t know, call me old-fashioned and, you know something? It doesn’t matter; I didn’t like how I was being treated. So, I broke it off, clean and simple. Told him I wasn’t the girl for him and that he should move on. Talk about an evolution!
The old me would have given him another chance… and another… and another. I would have ‘another chanced’ him all the way to divorce court! Not anymore. Oh! I was so proud of myself, to stick to my guns and just stand up and stand firm.
Yes, it is a happy day and I do believe I have evolved and evolving still! That woman in the mirror is becoming ever more present in my life, ever more active. We are becoming one. And you know something? I do like her…
Yep, she is pretty sweet indeed.
“The woman I was yesterday, introduced me to the woman I am today; which makes me very excited about meeting the woman I will become tomorrow. ”
― Poetic Evolution