We are nearing the end of a very significant time in our life. Our sister Kimball’s estate is nearing a close as we get the final touches done and we will soon be placing the house on the market. I honestly thought this would be harder on me than it was. As we were going through the mounds of stuff, I was fraught with the same questions as I was facing after my fire. Why do we place so much importance on so many things? [ah! to be answered at another time, I’m afraid.]
The Estate Sale was to be over the last weekend of June and it was agreed that none of the family members would be there. Elizabeth and I had hoped that most of the items would have sold; however, when we arrived on Monday morning, we were greeted by mounds of ‘stuff’. Glassware, Crystal, Linens, Dishes, Albums (vinyl)… you name it – stuff seemed to be everywhere.
Elizabeth had everything scheduled down to a ‘Tee’, with the both of us working on gathering all for donation and junk on Monday. The haulers were out on Monday; this was extremely disturbing as they simply broke all that dishware, Crystal, etc… And every time I heard something crash, I would wince (very emotional). We gathered all of Kimball’s books and Elizabeth drove them over to the local library for donation. She confessed when she returned, as to just how difficult that was – meaning that books were Kimball’s favorite things, and these were her favorite books. Being that reading was something they both adored, I know that this was a very emotional task for her to do.
It is funny how the emotions build up in us and what exactly prompts those tear ducts to release that emotional nectar. You never know what that could be. For Elizabeth, it was the unloading of the books, for me it was seeing the chair reupholstered. Meet Daddy’s Chair. When Kimball had it, it was inherited from our mother and was in ‘ok’ condition; we since agreed that Elizabeth should have it and she took the fabric that I had purchased with a friend of mine a few years ago and breathed new life into our favorite memory. When she made the ‘reveal’, I cried.
As I’ve said in past posts, this grief thing is a funny emotion. You just never know when it’s going to hit you. There is a friend of a friend of mine. She lost her husband a few years ago and has actually been told to “get over it and move on”… excuse me? Back up the bus. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I spoke with my friend about this, trying to understand. But simply put, there is no understanding people’s stupidity and ignorance. For those of you reading this who have never lost another soul close to you, read and learn; never say “get over it and move on” to a person grieving! I think this should go without saying; but apparently not.
There is something to be said for those who have had to jump (go around, or dip under) the hurdles of death, we’ve learned that this life is short. People don’t last. Yes, I know – brilliant summation Ann – but, for some reason, until you actually get that call from the hospital informing you that your loved one has passed; or the phone call from a friend, etc., I do think that many are truly clueless. Otherwise how can they say or even think anything close to what was said to this woman?
Yes, I get it, there are jerks, always will be. But sometimes we need to take a moment and really look at those so-called ‘jerks’ and think for a moment; I feel sorry for them. Because, as with everyone, this too shall happen to them, one day. This woman that we are speaking of was seeing a spiritual healer, and this ‘healer’, who was helping her through her grief and who thought she was an ‘expert on subject’, just lost her sibling. She became so overwrought with grief that she had to stop practicing. She apologized to her client and stated that she felt that she no longer knew anything about grief and continued with her apology re-stating she really had no idea until now. Grief overcame her. In no way do I wish to belittle this woman’s grief. Sometimes it takes an even greater individual to know their own limitations and to be able to know when to take the time they need to step away and observe. However, as horrible as this is, the only sure thing in this life? Death and taxes. Therefore, it would behoove everyone to be ever more sensitive to those in mourning (well to all, really). Sometimes the best thing is to simply show up and be – be compassionate, be understanding – perhaps try the gift of listening and laughter. Nobody is an expert on ‘grief’… each experience it differently.
We are soon approaching a year and a half since the death of our sister and it has been one roller-coaster ride. I can safely say that this last week has given much closure; for me anyway. Elizabeth and I are getting closer, laughing more. We spent the 4th of July together and had a great day off. And… I finally feel as if the ‘fog’ has lifted and I can clearly see my life ahead.
The house is clean, painted, even the ‘popcorn ceilings’ have been scraped off. Everything is looking wonderful and new – Kimball would have loved it and would have been so happy. My wish? To have a wonderful family with many children who will love that house and live there a long and happy time. Kimball would’ve loved that too – that house deserves to finally have children in it.
I thought this process would have killed me – thinking my heart would have ripped apart again – but, instead, it made it whole. My heart is once again, one piece. Beating…
- On Transformation – Observing Grief and Letting the Tears Flow (confessionsofanamerican.com)
- Grief (frommetohim.wordpress.com)
- Grief bites – let it (santoshalifecoach.wordpress.com)