We go through this life meeting people, people of whom eventually become acquaintances, friends, lovers, even life partners. And in these relationships we’re almost making a commitment to the never-ending game of ‘craps’. Never knowing who are the “users” and who are the “players”; who are the true friends/lovers and who’s going to break your heart – breaking it to the point of NON-datedom for the longest time – in this woman’s history anyway.
I just got some information on a friend that confessed his undying love for me. Information that, though I did have some reason to think might be a possibility, had not really thought would be logical; not at my age (our age!). I truly thought he grew out of the “player” life-style. But, he was playing me and intended to use me for money. How do I know this? Simple logic…
First it was asking me to reserve and put money down on our hotel room; then asking me to buy his airline tickets (to which I refused… dumb, but not that stupid… thank Goodness!). Now, when I got the ‘skinny’ on this individual, I hadn’t yet shared this information. I was, however, given information on how he brags and brags on his endless success’ of getting the “ladies” to pay for his trips and hotel stays (really anything he needs, actually). He, on the other hand, keeps his money for what he wants… simple.
It’s a long complicated story; but, we have known each other since high school and this guy was the best friend of my boyfriend at the time (a guy I dated for eight years). Anyway, he was a “player” then and, as life would prove, has been married three times and is an alcoholic… Claimed he drank a fifth of the hard stuff a day, but later claimed he “quit that downward spiral.” The only thing wrong with this picture? My ex-husband went through about a fifth a day and needed rehab! There is no drinking again after that…
It’s sad… This started as a result of a mutual friend (one of our classmates) giving him my number and we started talking in the Spring. All seemed fine, really nice. Then things started getting a little strange and stranger by the week. Then, before my band was about to go on, I sent a text to simply let him know I was thinking about him, blah, blah, blah… While on stage, I got a voice mail from him (a drunk voice mail)… This set off a really bad, memorable feeling as if to say, “I’ve seen this movie before and I know how it ends.” Needless to say, I eventually told “lover-boy” that there was not going to be a relationship (I simply couldn’t trust him). Oh, he insisted that he didn’t drink like that. But I knew better. Besides, the link in the chain of trust was broken… and baggage or no, I just couldn’t go down that road.
He still insisted on coming out to stay and I didn’t have the heart to turn him down. So I went along with it… but Labor Day changed to sometime in October. In the meantime, I spoke with a mutual friend of ours because nothing was adding up. His brother wouldn’t speak with him, and three marriages, one arrest, etc… This mutual friend and I were many things (boyfriend and girlfriend…); but one thing above all else? We had a mutual respect and love… Also, he had kept in contact with everyone for the last thirty years, had been to all the weddings, was present through all divorces and basically knew all the history.
He filled me in; the whole story. I felt like such a fool! (But, at least I knew enough at least to break everything off at the voicemail). Only trouble now was that this person wasn’t taking no for an answer. So, what does a woman do? Is it bad “Karma” when you give a person a bit of their own medicine? Especially when you can pretty much bet they were going to be nothing but bad news for you? Is turn-about fair play?
On Facebook today I say this posting that basically said: Sometimes you must burn a few bridges to keep the crazies away. True? False? When is it ok to burn bridges and when is it ok to just ‘walk’ away? At Christmas I had someone ‘walk away’ and I felt like crap! So, when is it ok to simply walk away or stop the calls? Burn a bridge? Is it ever?
I’ve got this issue with guilt and can almost be guilted into just about anything, depending on the situation. Come to think about it; anything bad that has happened to me has been out of guilt. My molestation? Guilt. My rape? Guilt. Both instances I asked the individuals to leave or told them I wanted to leave because I felt uneasy about the situation. And in both situation I allowed guilt to play a game with my head, thereby allowing me to go against my better judgment.
It is when we are afraid of ‘hurt feeling’ that we seem to get into trouble. The person who is conning us isn’t afraid of hurting us – nor are they afraid of OUR hurt feelings. No, they do what they do best, guilting… because they know that there will be someone gullible enough to say, “Oh, ok… why not?”
More steps backwards for me, I guess [as I shake my head] – but, then again, I did see it coming and I did put a stop to it. Only he wouldn’t take no for an answer and “NO” was what I said. Never, ever, were we to be a ‘two-some’, couple, Mr. and Mrs. – ever, ever… I did make that very clear and one thing I do know? We both speak English as our first language… he may not have understood me, but that was because he chose to keep wax in his ears.
No, if memory serves, he did tell me that his girlfriends all seemed to do the same thing… “treat him badly.” Hmm… there is only one common denominator there.
Regardless, I don’t like the feeling of this. Though I know it is necessary, it is not a good feeling to have to wean people out of your life or to have to burn that bridge to a friendship. Though people do it all the time – I certainly didn’t invent the idea – it sucks, make no mistake – it sucks!