Dating… it’s one of those funny things. I’ve never, ever had an issue with getting back on the horse and riding off into the wild blue yonder. But, since my encounter with Honey (y’all remember him?), I’m not sure if I’m suffering from broken heart syndrome, or just plain don’t trust men; but I’m really, truly unwary.
I’ve got a date coming up with a really nice guy (REALLY nice guy – cute as a bug), and I’m afraid of spoiling it. I’m nervous. What if I did something in the last relationship, I mean, let’s face it, we all have our part. So how does one get over their past and stop with the questions so that they can move forward to their futures? How can we throw out the skeletons?
This will have been the first date I’ve had since Honey and though I’m excited, I’m fearful, nervous. What if something is truly wrong with me? What if I’m just not the ‘loveable’ type? What if I’m too demanding? What if I’m just insane – like he insinuate… [sigh]. There were so many unresolved issues, and perhaps he’s right and I should just save the men of the world and stay alone the rest of my natural life.
I found one man who was willing to put up with my craziness, for over twenty years! Only problem, he was an alcoholic… (so what is that supposed to tell me?) One thing, he still loves me and I him; we just can’t live together. He’s not going around telling everyone (including me) that I’m a nutcase and that the end of our relationship was all my fault.
So, who and what am I to believe? The ex-husband of over twenty years or the ex-boyfriend of six months? Who, when we met seemed so fun, funny, caring. Had the image of the good father, the protector. So much changed in that time. This was the man who told me he would love me forever and take care of me. He would never let anyone hurt me. But he did and it was him.
I think what stings about this is that I did have a man who did love me, who showed me that his word was his bond (well, most of the time… when he wasn’t drinking). But, I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loved me and would never let anyone talk against me; he would defend me to the end. And I’m just wondering, will I ever find that again? Am I asking for too much?
I see couples all around me, some are obviously wrong for each other, while others clearly show that connectivity. That ‘spark’, that ‘something’ that tells the on-looker, “those two are in love.” I used to have that and thought I had that with Honey, but came to find out through my friends that they weren’t too sure about him – really? Now you tell me!
So how do we get past the past hurts of our past loves? I’ve been so out of the game it’s scary. I’ve been hurt before, but not like this. I truly feel that this was my fault. How do I change something I have no idea of how to change? There was no closure… come to think of it, I’m not sure I want to know – could be too hurtful and I might be scarred for life (what life I have left).
I’d like to hear from you, what are your dating scares… hurts and how did you get past those? How did you finally throw out those skeletons?
I will go on my date and hope for the best. My ‘Mr. Right’ is out there. I was once told that talking bad about you is what ‘exes’ do… it’s in the make-up. I must say, I haven’t necessarily been the kindest. But I did have a wonderful marriage and divorce… both ended with class and my ex-husband and I still talk and are very civil with each other – we love each other. He’s been in my life for about half of my life, has been a part of my family – knows I’m nutty and I guess that is what drew him too me. Used to say was what he loved about me. So, I guess I should take it from someone who knew me best and chuck what was said by the person who knew me least? Life goes on… I think it’s time for some horse riding.
I’d love to hear from you and your thoughts on the subject…