They say time heals all wounds and to that I would have to agree. It has been about a year and a half since Kimball’s death and my grief has lessened all the more. Her house has sold, Elizabeth is nearing to close on the estate and life moves on. I’ve discovered some other troubling childhood traumas that surfaced and am dealing with them, and sometimes, all we need is love. That unconditional love as well as the love of being needed.
The other day I finally made the leap of faith and adopted a bouncing baby girl. She is all of 7 lbs, part West Highland Terrier and Chihuahua and is the angel I seemed to have needed. Yesterday marked Kimball’s sixty-first birthday. I’m no longer grieving with sadness and tears, I am rejoicing in the memory of her life. Her contributions to this world were great and wide and her love was never-ending. I miss her, yet my heart is no longer as torn apart as it was; it has mended somehow. Even what seemed like merely stitches holding the pieces of my heart together have miraculously healed and diminished through time.
This all happened because of the love of a dog? Partly; and the fact that I spent a weekend in Austin with my dear friend and her husband (it was just the medicine I needed). This friend is one of those friends who lifts you up and, for whatever reason, has always been one who gives off a healing energy. It is as if we are kindred spirits and have a long ‘karmic’ history together. Not that I don’t have wonderful times with my other friends and I do not wish to discount them; it’s just that there are certain connections with certain people and I have that certain ‘connection’ with her (one I don’t have with others…). Plus, I believe people are in our lives for a purpose and this particular person is in my life for a particular purpose, something that she continues to prove.
Another reason for my change of heart and mind is that I met with a hypnotherapist the other day and was astounded by the results. I got answers to many questions lingering from childhood (enough resource for another post actually) and, bottom line, most importantly I must move forward. Still continuing therapy and finding comfort in knowing what I know what actually happened. The fact is that we can never go back and exorcise the ghosts of our past, we can only recognize them and know that they might have taken those years; but they will never take one more second away from our present/future. I was not only violated, I was robbed of my ability to bear children and that is one tough pill to swallow; but I’ve accepted it and must now make my way through this second half of my life – in harmony with the decisions of my past and present.
I’m currently sitting in the hair salon, waiting on my hair color, on my way over I had a thought that changes were looming; good changes, but big changes. Normally I would be frightened, uneasy; but I wasn’t for some strange reason. I’m embracing them. Could it be this new addition to my home that is causing me to think in terms of new possibilities? Or the talks with my friend and the walks in her, now, new home town? Whatever it is, I’m prepared to embrace them and move forward and finally make some incredible strides with my new life.
Finding Ann MacGregor; hmm… I think I’ve made her acquaintance and her mine. We are one, and that just might be this peculiar feeling. I’ve not ever felt comfortable in my own skin; it feels good to finally be my own person.