During the holidays we get ourselves bogged down with last-
minute cleaning, shopping and decorating – all the things to make the house a home for your guests. I must admit I haven’t felt like doing these things since long before I left my ex-husband in 2009.
But these journal entries are to be about what I discover that I love about myself and I must admit – I’m ashamed to admit – that it is getting harder with each passing day. Again, it might be that I’m thinking too hard and trying to be the “awe-inspiring” writer – I wish – and perhaps I should stop ‘thinking’ and just go back to writing from my heart.
I’ve been out of work and placed on disability and with money so tight, I’ve had to make some tough decisions. One of the things I love about myself is my ability to handle my finances. This is something that, until yesterday, I forgotten I had a knack of doing so well. When you owe so much more than you get, you need to get, well, crafty. I’ve had to make some phone calls and had to have some conversations with my ex. Those were conversations that I wasn’t sure would go so well. In fact my fear was that he would pull the guilt card.
Quite the contrary, he was very nice about the whole thing and offered help should I need any. He recognized my helping him when he needed it and was willing to help me in return if and when he was able. He is in much the same circumstances as I am; but it is time that we start to go our separate ways and I was extremely grateful for his benevolence in the matter.
I also found that I won’t have as much this month has I originally thought. A few months ago I would have panicked; but I simply made some calls, broke some payments down by half, extended some others. I was fine. And I didn’t over-draw any funds at the bank – bravo!
The other is my ability to work my businesses and make goals for those businesses – of which I have three (3) projects going. I’m quite proud of all of them. Of these, one of them is an altruistic venture, a non-profit that will be in the name of my mother. The others are my writing – I’m quite fond of it and hope to see it grow into something – and my vocals. I’m a jazz singer. I’ve been learning what I can with this media of Social Media and learning the ins and outs of copyright – all quite fun.
Anyway, my world is turning in new directions and I love these new skills I’ve picked up and am learning to master. Actually this would probably go under the “loving that I am willing to try new ventures and willing to fail” category. Yes, I love that I’m willing to fail. “Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” Henry Ford